Stupid Things People Said to Me
I have been watching "Schitt's Creek" like a lot over the past few days. One of my favorite characters is David. Well, to be perfectly honest, all of the Rose family are my favorites. I like certain things about each of them; however, I think David has the most memorable quotes.
There is a scene where David is explaining to Patrick how he got roped into planning Jocelyn's baby shower. When David says that this isn't even her first kid, Patrick responds that it's more like a sprinkle. Patrick then explains to David what a sprinkle is. David's response, "That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard." (I am pretty sure I said the exact same thing when I learned what a baby sprinkle was.)
I have been reminiscing about certain times in my life and for whatever reason, I remembered some of the stupidest things people have told me. I'm going to do a list because that's what people who write blogs do. (I have noticed that in past few years, listing things out seems to be the trend. I read articles about writing blogs and they say that making lists holds your readers attention. I guess that means attention spans are shrinking.) I will put some context and background to why these were said to me.
1. "You never want to get drunk with us."
This was told to me by a group of co-workers that I befriended. We would go out to bars and go dancing every other weekend. Even when we all stopped working at the school and got different jobs, we still went out. We would drink but I would only have one or two the whole night. I didn't want to get drunk; plus, I was usually the designated driver. Everyone else, on the other hand, would get really wasted.
Well, one night I went with another friend- a person I met playing roller derby- and her husband. We went to a Mexican restaurant that serves these really huge margaritas. Well, I had two and didn't realize how much alcohol was in them. I got drunk and didn't want to drive. My friend's husband dropped me off at home and when I woke up the next morning, I realized I left my purse at the restaurant.
My old co-workers wanted to go to lunch the next day. I told them the story about my purse so they decided to pick me up so I could go get it. During the ride there, one of them said, "You never want to get drunk with us." It seemed like they were really offended by the fact that I didn't want to get drunk with them. I explained that I wasn't planning on getting drunk with my other friend. I underestimated the strength of the drinks. It didn't seem like it was a good enough explanation for them.
I think from that moment, my relationship with these co-workers went downhill. I realized that I didn't want to spend every other weekend going bar/club hopping. It was silly for them to be offended with me not wanting to get drunk with them. My drinking habits had nothing to do with them and they just took it so personal. I reevaluated those friendships and I knew it ran its course. I wanted to do other things with my time. I also realized that this friendship was based on the commonalities of working at a toxic place and alcohol. We no longer worked at that school so we didn't really have anything else in common. I didn't want friendships like that; I wanted more meaning and respect from my friendships.
2. "If she doesn't want sex after being gone for that long, she cheated on you."
This quote was not said directly to me but it was said to a guy I was dating, I was twenty-one and living in Hawai'i at the time. I worked for the YMCA and they would give some of their employees and volunteers a chance to go help in the Philippines. We would work with other international YMCAs from the Philippines and Japan. The trip was about two weeks long.
I got selected to go and was excited. Travel was rough because it was long and our schedule was packed. There really wasn't time to just do what we wanted. We arrived in Manila and then we went to Cebu. From there, we then went to Leyte. At each of these locations, we did a lot of things. When we went home, we also had a lengthy layover in Japan. We also did a lot of things there.
My boyfriend picked me up from the airport and when we got home, he wanted sex. I didn't want to do that or anything for that matter because I was so exhausted. In fact, we didn't have sex for awhile. About a week later, he asked me if I cheated on him. He then told me what one of his co-workers told him. "If she doesn't want sex after being gone for that long, she cheated on you." I told him that I was tired and just trying to get back to a normal schedule.
I think it is so stupid that the conclusion for the lack of sex was cheating. I think this made me realize how stupid men can be. His friend was stupid for mentioning that and my boyfriend at the time was stupid for following his friend's train of thought. I believe sex is important in a relationship. However, it's not the only important thing.
My relationship with this boyfriend lasted awhile after this but I don't think it was ever really good. It is quite possible that this comment impacted the rest of our relationship. It made me realize how he saw me- he didn't trust me and valued what his friends said. By time we decided to call it quits, he cheated on me and I did the same to him.
3. "Because Hawai'i is OCONUS, your mom is like a mail-order bride."
This comment came from a white man I dated briefly like less than four months. This is really the only thing I remember from our short time together. We were talking about how my parents met. I told him that they met in Hawai'i when my dad got stationed there. I didn't go into much detail about the first time they met because before I could this guy told me that my mom was "like a mail-order bride."
This guy then proceeded to tell me that because the military considers Hawai'i to be OCONUS, which stands for outside the continental United States, that my mom was no different than a mail-order bride from Asia. I asked what he meant by that. He said that because my mom who is Asian (Filipino to be exact) and from outside the mainland USA, she was a mail-order bride.
I was pissed that he would say that. I know that there are a lot of negative connotations that come with mail-order brides. Those images that many have of mail-order brides are usually docile Asian women who are just coming to the US to get citizenship. These relationships usually are not "love matches" and are more transactional. This man made it seem like my mom was just out to get something from my dad. Because not only was dad a white American, he was also in the military. He claimed that my mom could reap so many benefits as a mail-order bride.
I was actually surprised that this man, who grew up in a single mother household would say a thing like this. His mother was a writer who knew Joseph Campbell and raised this man by herself. From what he told me, I imagined that his upbringing was done by a liberal Feminist. It also seemed that he was around and supported a lot of strong independent women. He supported roller derby, which is how we met, and burlesque dancers. He would go to most of the burlesque shows done by the local troupe. That mail-order bride comment of his really contradicts his upbringing and the "strong women things" he supported.
I guess his brand of feminism only applied to white women. Fun fact: Google mail-order bride and see what comes up as the top results. It's not Asian women....it is Russian and Ukrainian women that show up as popular results. Yet, my Filipino-American mom is the mail-order bride.